I suppose I should start a GoFund Me and /or Patreon.
Someday when I have the $$$, I'm going to set myself up with a decent camera and go live online with some drawing and materials demos. This YouTube video below is of me working on a project and chatting with my friend Mike. I just pointed the screen on my laptop downward and went live on YouTube using the laptop's camera. To see Mike's comments I had my phone next to me. That was fun and all but I want to step my game up with the gear and do some really pro demos.
I suppose I should start a GoFund Me and /or Patreon.
WARNING: SELF THERAPEUTIC BABBLE AHEAD!
Here I am and it is 6:18 in the morning, with this old web site pulled out of the cobwebs after, I think, a year. I have my LaVazza Espresso (don't have an espresso machine however. I brew it in my drip maker) with some heavy cream and relieved to find that I did not completely erase my blog page from theinfiltratedeye.com. At some point I renamed it "updates" and that's why I didn't see it at first. However, had I eliminated it, I would have had to laugh at myself as that would have been so typical of me, who regularly tries to take an eraser to myself. I express myself in various ways, either by drawing something or writing something and the next thing I know I'm deleting, erasing, ripping...hiding.
I have a long history of feeling that I'll never belong to a community. Instead of confronting this feeling I stay hidden and sort of just work around people, if that makes any sense. And when I was younger it was easier. When you're young, thin and have hair on your head, you can fake it. But now I'm older, less attractive with a face that could stop a train and my back and knees hurt and I'm just tired.
Over the last couple days I have been rethinking my business plan, what to name it, where to focus, etc. and last night my mood darkened again and I felt lost and that my ideas were weak and that not much was ever going to work out for me. I gave up and went to bed feeling I had to start over again.
It's one of few consistencies in my life. I am always quitting and starting over.
And then this morning, as I threw hot water onto my face in the bathroom I started taking inventory.
Does my depression come from not trusting my own identity? And is that a result of years of being forced to hastily adapt? My father was in the Navy and we moved frequently from when I was born in 1967 until 1983 and I had to meet and try to fit in with other kids again and again. My three older brothers were a lot older than me, with my brother Bruce being the next youngest, born a full decade before me. And although I don't blame them, the reality is that they ignored me and were never around for me. They were already a family and I was an intruder.
In the third grade I had to get glasses and I had an extreme premature growth spurt and stayed a full foot taller than other kids my age making me very awkward. I was bullied constantly and terrified of leaving our house and couldn't relax until I returned home each afternoon. The anxiety made it almost impossible to focus on my schoolwork. I would begin to bond with one or two kids and then, sure enough, my father would get assigned elsewhere and we'd pack up and leave town.
WHY am I writing all this here? I need to understand my twisted programming and unlock why I unconsciously sabotage relationships with people (I've even had many regrettable moments where I have become quite a bully myself) and why I sabotage my own success.
I know I do it and I can only guess that I somehow need to subconsciously validate my isolation.
My main tools for the Trippy The Duck Star Pope strip have been two technical pens, sizes .5 and .35.
I had all but given up on tech pens but gave them another chance this time because dammit, I enjoy drawing with them...WHEN they don't clog up.
I'm trying Noodlers' Ink and it's working pretty well. It doesn't dry and set as fast as inks I'd used previously so it's a longer wait time before erasing pencil lines.
I've been drawing on Canson XL Mix Media paper only because it was already sitting on my desk. Yes, I can be THAT lazy. But the paper takes a fine ink line pretty well, so I continue using it.
It does break down and start to clog the pen tip with paper fibers if I work it too much.
If I know I am not going to get around to using a pen for at least four or five days or longer, I empty the ink out, clean it with 99% isopropyl alcohol, then fill the pen with roughly 80% distilled water + 20% isopropyl alcohol.
Stuck inside because you're snowed in? Make Valentines!
We got just under a foot of snow over the last two days and I drew this Valentine for my wife.
In an interview, Joseph Mugnaini once said a technique is a manner in which one takes advantage of his propensities and avoids his liabilities.
I am finding that simple comment very helpful lately as I struggle to finish artwork and avoid slowing down by going with what I'm good at and not trying to force myself at things I am not.
And here it is at last! I received my stack of MORTIMER MEGAZINE VOL. 2, MUSHROOMS AND FUNGI in the mail today and this one's production and everybody's art is beautiful, hilarious and possibly toxic if ingested in large amounts. So KNOW YOUR ART before grabbing it and consuming it! I am honored to have been invited to contribute once again and be included among so many excellent northwest artists!
If anyone wants a copy ($12), message me and I'll give you my PayPal information. Sorry, this cannot be combined with any "cart" items. The t-shirts and mugs displayed on my home page come from a warehouse while these zines are stacked up here in my studio. However, through the rest of 2021, anyone who PayPals me $12.00 will also receive a free copy of Mortimer Field Guide No.1 CREATURES AND CRYPTIDS while I still have extras. And shipping is free IF you're in the U.S. Sorry, if you live outside the continental U.S. I'll have to tack on whatever the shipping cost to your part of the globe is.
My good friend Robin Henkel composed music inspired by two of my characters, Trippy The Duck and Jen L.
Listen to the uploads on Soundcloud by clicking the links:
I loved listening to this. I found it inspiring and I have a feeling I will be listening to it several more times.